A gift for you!
We want to share with you three tools that can change the way you communicate, especially with people you love. These tools are more than tools; they help put you in a fundamentally different orientation—a different way of connecting with the people you love.
If you were to use these tools, but stay in the mindset where you are attached to being right and making other people wrong—these tools won’t solve any problems. But, if you step into a new mindset—these tools will eliminate most arguments, reduce friction and tension, and allow love to be easy.
Love can be easy
This was a concept that Hannah introduced me to over fifteen years ago, the idea that “love can be easy.” At the time I really didn’t know what she meant. Actually, I fought with her about it. Seriously, isn’t that embarrassing?
With encouragement from Hannah, I got an inkling of what she was talking about, but I never fully grasped the idea until we studied with our mentors, John and Joyce Weir, and learned to change the nature of the conversation that we were having.
The conversation we were having before we met the Weirs—even though we loved each other—included the following:
Blame:
“The reason I’m impatient with you is because you don’t listen to me.”
Control:
“If you want me to treat you better then you need to make a greater financial contribution to our lives.”
Abandonment:
“If you’re going to get upset I can’t talk about this anymore.”
Making the other person wrong:
“Your track record in previous relationships is proof that you don’t know how to listen.”
Making yourself right:
“I don’t have this problem with anyone else in my life, so maybe you should look at yourself.”
Confusion:
“I don’t know how I feel or what I want.”
Paralysis:
“I can’t say what’s going on for me.”
Drama:
“If you don’t agree to this then maybe you should tell the kids we’ll be talking to a divorce attorney and see what that does to your life.”
Just writing the above is painful. It’s hard enough to have tension in any relationship, but to treat people we love in these ways is the source of deep pain—and some people would say shame. But there is a totally different way to relate with the people we love.
Remember you are friends
It includes none of the above—no blame, drama, or abandoning. Instead, it is based on engaging in healthy and mature ways, which include: understanding that the other person has their own way of seeing the world, eliminating blame and control, agreeing not to abandon each other, and remembering that you are friends.
This is what we teach in our retreats, but not everyone can go on a week-long retreat. So, on New Year’s Day we’re going to offer a free Webinar in which we’ll share these three basic tools with you. And, we’ll share with you a new model, a new way to think about communicating and relating.
To sign up, go to this page on our website. The number of spaces is limited, so if you sign up, please show up. The class will last between 60-90 minutes, depending on how many questions people have. We expect it to be both FUN and informative and a great way to start you New Year. Hope to see you there.
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