Happy Couples — Day 8 — Maya Tulum

We are at the end—the physical end—of this lab. But I don’t think of this as an end, instead it is a beginning for the people who came together for the past eight days. As we learned to use a new set of communication tools, and we lived together in a healing environment, our mature ways of revealing resulted in much healing. Witnessing this, leaves us—Jake & Hannah—a happy couple.

As I wrote about in my narrative, there is nothing I’d rather be doing than this work. Doing this work with Hannah fulfills my passion. I am deeply appreciative to John and Joyce Weir for teaching us the foundations upon which this work rests. They taught the origins of ReSpeak for over forty years and refined it based on feedback from thousands of people who repeatedly attended their labs.

I am also grateful to the professionals in the field of mental health who continue to make breakthrough discoveries that facilitate personal growth and transformation. People like Dick Schwartz, who developed Internal Family Systems. Dan Siegel, who developed Interpersonal Neurobiology. David Schnarch, who writes so clearly about the process of differentiation in romantic relationships. Ellyn Bader of The Couples Institute, provides a vital perspective. We are incorporating their work, as well as others, into our workshops and retreats. As we do so, people tell us that the Reology model becomes stronger and easier to integrate into their lives—supporting them in becoming happy couples.

I am deeply grateful to our participants who have fully engaged in these labs, many of them coming back year after year, deepening themselves, discovering themselves, revealing more of themselves, maturing themselves, and as a result—making a greater contribution to their partnerships, their families, and the world.

And, mostly—on this Valentine’s day—I am grateful to my wife, Hannah. We have been doing this work together for ten years. I continue to marvel at her beauty, both physical beauty, and beauty in the way she conducts herself. I perceive her to do what she does effortlessly—just being herself—and in that I find her beauty.

We had a good and healthy relationship before we started this work, but with Reology and ReSpeak we have taken our way of relating to a completely new level. The result is that we are happy, in part, because our relating is uncomplicated and easy. We quickly move through our times of tension without harshness, always being gentle, always being curious, always recognizing we are two different people—not one—and no longer threatening ourselves with our differences.

We used to threaten ourselves with our differences because we were partially fused together. If one moved away, the other felt threatened. But we have grown and matured ourselves through this body of work. Life is much easier. Relating is much more rewarding. And getting to share this with you is our dream.

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