I’m starting this first blog entry very close to the 27th anniversary of my first marriage—which lasted seven years. Although my first wife and I were good friends, and we loved each other, we didn’t know how to be healthy and happy as a married couple. One purpose of this blog is to offer practical—tested—ideas about how to create a healthy and happy marriage, or partnership. These ideas also apply to our other relationships…such as with our parents, our children, and our peers.
During my first marriage I refused to settle; I continued to believe that I could be happier and that partnering could be easier. After years of trying to improve our marriage, we finally divorced and I left my life in Vermont and moved to New Mexico.
Can marriage be easy?
In 1993 Hannah and I married and since then my expectations for a marriage of ease and deep intimacy have been born out. It is possible for partnering/marriage to be easy. And what a difference this makes. I’m not unwilling to work hard when my marriage requires me to, but I want my marriage to be a respite from hard work and constant challenges. Our marriage was relatively easy from the beginning, but we used to squabble a couple times a week. Things would become tense for a day or two. Part of this was due to my immaturity, part of it was because we lacked elegant communication skills.
Since adopting the principles of Reology and the communication skills that are the basis of ReSpeak, our communication has become more elegant and respectful. Now we squabble about twice a year. This blog will reveal ways we use Reology and Respeak to simplify our lives, to renew ourselves, and to increase the depth and expression of our love.
One simple place to begin…feed each other dinner, no utensils, use your fingers, no words, just taking turns placing food in each other’s mouths. This is a form of witnessing, something I’ll write more about next time.